Trying to Fight the Sad

Depression is something that I have struggled with for a lot of years. It's something that is inconsistent, and when it hits it's hard for me to get out of bed. I don't care what some people say about "Just have a positive attitude" or "just get over it" for me that doesn't work. When I go through these spells it's not fun. And the past few days I've been there.

This morning it was triggered by a lot of different things, and the anxiety doesn't help. Today was hard. I find myself sitting in my car for a half hour just thinking and unable to move. I'm getting help and I have people I can talk to-so that's good. This isn't a sob story. But it's about the fact that I pushed myself today to do something I didn't really want to do. 

When I get into these moods I just want to be alone in my bed. I don't want to move. I usually just want to cry and sleep. But tonight I made myself drive down to Lehi to see my friends. And it really helped me. Helped me look at the small things. I love the people I saw tonight. I love their sillyness and their sweetness. I love knowing that I can talk to them when I'm down. Sometimes I am in awe of how many amazing people are in my life. I honestly have the best friends in the world, and I don't know how I got so lucky. It really brightened my spirits to see these people today, and I'm so thankful for them.

When I was driving home I was thinking about all the little things that I love and that make life really great. Here are some.

Driving in the dark when there are very few cars on the road

Laughing with a friend in a movie theatre

When your iPod plays all the songs you love

The Beatles

Sweatshirts

Holding hands

Looking forward to reading 

Writing in my journal

Drinking coffee

Singing as loud as I want in my car

Reconnecting with a friend you miss

Seeing people you miss

Sunshine

Swimming

Dancing

Auditions

Musicals

The list goes on and on.

But today I'm thankful for the little things.